Slackin' Off

I Know As Of Lately I Have Been Slacking Off

    I do apologize I do. It's just the whole Michael situation has been pretty rough on me. I miss him like his hugs and stuff. It is just pretty weird not having him around, being in my house with me and Briana all day just kinda makes me sad. 

   He was my first love and only love. Yes I know I have had many boyfriends in the past but I have said I love them but I guess I didn't really mean it as much as I meant it to Michael. I have never had a boyfriend for over a year. My longest relationship that i can remember was from about maybe 2-5 months tops. But otherwise Michael was my longest.

   We kinda stopped talking and he has been more and more distant over the last few days. I honestly don't know why. He has been hanging around this girl Yamilet alot. I don't know her personally. But I think he might break his promise to me. He isn't to good with keeping promises. I love him and he is my best friend. Kinda like when your best friend says "Oh I will bring this tomorrow." and then the next day pulls the "I totally forgot about that." card. Well he is my best friend.

    I think maybe things might be over between us. Cause the girl Yamilet is a lot prettier than me. She is skinnier than me. She sure as hell doesn't have a kid. Maybe that's what he is looking for, a girl with those features. I don't mind if he wants to date other people, I just don't want him to do it low key you know, if he just comes and is straight up with me about Yamilet I won't mind. I will be sad and scared about what will happen to me and Briana. And if he will ever consider, consider coming back to me. 

   It is really hard to talk about. I really hate talking about it with my mom. Because out of these last three years nobody has understood him like me. Got to know him like me. Know everything about him like me. Or at least I thought I knew who he was. But I guess a perfect smile and personality can mess a girl up a bit. My parents act like they know him so well and know "his kind of boys" that "boys like him are no bueno". The problem with a "no bueno boy like him" is that I am in love with a no bueno boy like him and I need him in my life. These last three years have been nothing but fun and amazing with Michael. 

   I know I ended it with him and broke up with him and people are probably saying why is she complaining, but I realized I made a mistake. So please don't judge me. Please I am not in the state of mind i should be in. I just want my boyfriend back so I am gonna talk to him tonight cause it's 7:00 PM now so i am just gonna hit him up and ask him back out I guess. ( i don't usually ask the guy out, it just seems desperate to me. No offense to girls who do it. I just don't like to do it personally. )